Oftentimes we ask ourselves or others how we let go of the anger we carry. For some of you, I imagine that you have carried anger for years. At times other emotions that we carry are embarrassment, resentment, shame, and contempt. We all can relate to each other, just like we can through having a neighbor that played their music/base too loud and woke up your kids.
If I may be vulnerable with you for a little while, I remember a time when my wife and I came home from a Christmas family visit in 2022. We had just finished a wonderful visit with my side of the family, the kids had a lot of fun, and the adults were able to catch up. As we packed our bags and loaded everything in the car, the kids told us that they were hungry. My wife and I knew we were going to stop by somewhere to get fast food. We decided to stop at McDonald’s.
As we got to the drive-thru and ordered our food, we asked the kids what they wanted, and during this process, they began to whine at us. This began to make me feel overwhelmed. After sorting out what the kids wanted and ordering the food, I pulled up to the window to pay and showed them our coupon app. What then happened, was very quick. The employee looked at the coupon, then their register, then back at me and told me the price. I had cash in my hand and as my brain was processing what happened my hand gave the money and the change was given back to me. I realized too late that the employee never gave me the discount, but then by this time my foot was letting off of the break and I was rolling forward to the next window. I then quickly processed how many times we go to McDonald’s and when we could use this coupon some other time.
With all of this happening there were a lot of moving parts to this situation, my wife told me that I didn’t show the employee the coupon, to which I said I did. I felt overwhelmed with the situation and got upset and grunted, I then said I wanted to just go and get on the road. To top it all off the kids whined at what they got.
15 plus minutes went by and I found myself still thinking about the situation, revisiting the scenario over and over again, thinking about what I would do differently, how I would prove my point, or how I could win the argument if I had pointed out what happened to the employee. Negative thinking was running through my mind.
During this time my kids and wife had all eaten and I did not know this because I was stuck in my mind. I found myself to a point, asking myself “Why am I carrying this anger, what good is this doing for me? Let it go.”
I was dissociated in thought that I didn’t hear the music playing in the car, or the beautiful snow falling to the ground. I also remember saying, “You are a therapist, do what you teach”.
So I did three things to help me let go of my anger. If focused on:
My body (physical)
My emotional needs
My mindset
1.I scanned my body and found that my hands were clenching the steering wheel. I then relaxed my hands and other parts of my body and applied controlled breathing exercises to help relax my body.
2.When it came to the anger I was carrying, what worked for me and one idea for you, was I imagined these french doors at my chest, and I imagined opening them both and envisioning the anger flowing out of me like a waterfall.
3.Then with my thoughts, I had to practice applying and reframing unhelpful or negative thoughts I was having that were adding to my anger and/or choosing to think about other things, like the snow that was falling to the ground. I had to work on this because my thoughts wanted to go back to the Mcdonald's situation, so every time that happened I chose again to think about something else. This truly did help me let go of the anger I was feeling at the time. And as time went on I found myself realizing that it was not important enough to marinate in and I was able to move on.
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